EXTREMELY PERSONAL BLOG: I HAVE A STUTTER

With stutter/ stammer awareness month coming to an end, I thought I would share a rather personal blog and one I didn't intend on sharing, but after the past crazy 2 and a half years, I have decided that am now brave enough too - I HAVE A STUTTER!

As you can tell by the title of this blog, I have a stutter (some of you may know already), but what is a stutter?

A stutter/ stammer is a neurological condition, causing speech issues for example our words take longer to come out of our mouths, we often have to repeat certain sounds for the words to come out clearly, have involuntary pauses whilst our brains are thinking, and we have to think carefully about the words we use sometimes. For me, this can happen at many moments including at the start of a sentence, in the middle and sometimes even at the end of sentences.

The most important thing people need to realise is that someone's stutter can depend on the day, and situation they are in - one that fills me with a lot of stuttering moments is meeting new people.

My friends are absolute diamonds when I have a bad day through their support I can get through anytime (you know who you are!)

Did you know it's a 1:4 chance of a girl having a stutter in their lives compared to boys?

I've had my stutter since I was a very little girl which to me is something that I have grown up with and is part of who I am. All through school, I had this orange piece of paper that said "sometimes my words get stuck please be patient with me!" - which I have to say my teachers rarely took notice off especially when reading allowed, or speaking in front of the class.

How do I deal with it?

However, these past 2 years have seen me embrace it and not be afraid of the letters/ words I can't say (for me there are a lot of them!) throughout my time in school, middle school mostly I was severely bullied for my stutter - the memories still haunt me today!

Please also remember that speech therapy doesn't work for everyone.

It takes a lot of courage for us stutters to make something like a simply saying my name or simply making a phone call before of judgement when we can't get our words out - they rush us. To do/ attend an interview whether it's for a job or with an artist for my blog hence why email ones are ideal, but the ones I have done in person I've been extremely grateful for the artist/ PR companies baring with me, and just generally talking aloud to people, I don't know even when I attend country music or soap events - I often come across as shy but secretly I am worried about being judged.

Even when I attend award shows/ theatre stage doors to meet my favourite actors/ actresses my stutter comes out, and even if I've met them many times for example the Emmerdale cast (on and off screen) are brilliant they allow me time to adapt, and chat (these moments mean a lot!)

I'll never forgot the first time, I met Louisa Lytton, Adele Silva and Daisy Wood Davis as these 3 ladies have inspired me for so long, but when I first met all 3 of them I froze, but did they judge me? No, they allowed me time to process everything it's thanks to people like them that we are able to allow ourselves time to think.

One of my dreams is to work in the TV industry ideally behind the scenes, this is a job I have wanted for so long, but I'll be honest I never thought I was good enough to chase this dream - but in all honesty since I started back in January of 2021, I've felt like it's achievable even with all the knockbacks, someone just needs to give us stutters an opportunity. We need representation and for me this is something I am determined to get out there! You only have to look on TV shows, we haven't got anyone and this is something that saddens me because where is our representation?! The only representation I remember having on screen growing up was Gareth Gates on Pop Idol, what about now?

Every day I wake up without knowing how my stutter will be that day, and that's ok I'll EMBRACE the day whatever it brings!

Please don't be afraid to ask any questions because it's with us talking openly we can help to address the issue/ stigma around stuttering.